You didn’t get to go to Comic-Con this year, huh. Well, that’s okay because we’re here to fill your brain up with all the trailers we can. Hopefully that will numb the pain, and if not, well, I don’t know. There’s not much else to be done.
There’s a fuckton of them, too. 40 all told, so we’ve better get start or they’ll be out by the time we’re done here. Also, there’s no particular order to these other than my personal excitement for the film, so I hope you and I have similar tastes.
Thor: Ragnarok
Please, dear Odin, let this be as silly as it looks. As (gently) varied as the MCU has been with its spy thriller and heist and war genre movies, it has been fairly one-note in terms of what constitutes an adventure. And while Doctor Strange was emblematic of that as well, it also opened the door for Marvel to reach further.
And by further, I mean into all the weird cosmic shenanigans that have largely been relegated to Guardians of the Galaxy. Reaching out there and bringing it into the things peculiar oddities behind the regal veil of Asgard. And once you put that wackadoo storytelling in the hands of Taika Waititi, you get this eye-bleedingly colorful and goofy thing, and I just adore it. Thor: Ragnarok comes out on November 3, 2017.
Stranger Things
Yes fucking please. For one, the music continues to be dope as hell. For two, it plays so well to the salivating eyeballs of Hall H, knowing just what people want to see and what they need to see. The withheld, aching reveal of Eleven alone is a masterstroke of trailer construction.
And it drops a terrific amount of enigmatic but not spoilery hints. Dragon’s Lair takes the place of Dungeons & Dragons, a new Arrival-ish monstrosity rears its head, and it appears the Upside Down is bleeding into the real world once more. Also, I totally had those bedsheets all the way through middle school. Season two of Stranger Things lands on Netflix on October 27, 2017.
Kingsman: The Golden Circle
Sure, 2014’s Kingsman: The Secret Service was a roughly hewn movie, but it was an undeniable amount of fun. It was like a bull in a confetti shop, wrecking everything but everything it wrecks just ends up in more confetti. Director/co-writer Matthew Vaughn’s vision of kinetic action is just so unique and smile-inducing.
Plus it’s just a well-constructed trailer. We’ve already had the return of Colin Firth’s Harry Hart ruined by past trailers, but this trailer specifically sets up the promise of trouble striking and a jolly good bout of retribution hitting hard. Doesn’t do more than it needs to, and that’s just fine by me. Kingsman: The Golden Circle hits theatres on September 22, 2017.
Marvel’s The Defenders
The grand promise of Marvel’s Netflix endeavours have come to fruition. As we stand on the cusp of the ultimate crash of silver screen antics with Avengers: Infinity War (the trailer for which still hasn’t been released), this show represents the same idea but on the small screen. Daredevil (Charlie Cox), Jessica Jones (Krysten Ritter), Luke Cage (Mike Colter), and Iron Fist (Finn Jones) team up to New York.
And by gosh does it look like the best time. I mean, yeah, it’s pretty dire when Sigourney Weaver shows up anywhere as a villain, but having Jessica Jones and Matt Murdock interact is one of the great joys in life. And the more people rag on Danny Rand, the better. The Defenders comes to Netflix on August 18, 2017.
The Shape of Water
Leave it to Guillermo del Toro to make a movie that lands in the rare Venn diagram of romantic horror. And doing it by featuring a mute woman and an imprisoned fish creature? That’s just crazy, but the del Toro kind of crazy that just works.
And just to clear things up now, this is not a prequel to Hellboy. Yeah, Doug Jones plays another weird amphibious creature that looks an awful lot like Abe Sapien, but that’s also not how movies work. You don’t just get to put something into a franchise whenever you want. But anyway, The Shape of Water comes out on December 8, 2017.
Riverdale
You’ll have to suffer through some cheesy bloopers (and some actual good ones that aren’t just people goofing around while resetting a scene), but I’m not entirely sure there’s another show out there right now that I’m anticipating as much as Riverdale. No, it’s not perfect and yeah, it’s super problematic, but I’m so unbelievably curious as to the potential it’s taking into its second season.
For a show that throws everything at the wall in its first season, it can’t not be exciting to look forward to what other bonkers things it wants to try. Who shot Fred Andrews? Who leads the Blossoms now? Will Archie somehow get more jacked?! Season two of Riverdale starts on The CW on October 11, 2017.
Ready Player One
I was genuinely not aware that there was so much hate out there for Ernest Cline’s Ready Player One. I mean, yeah, it’s 100% not a “holy grail of pop culture,” but it was fun enough. It shoved a lot of good times into a lot of pages.
But my Twitter timeline has been full of people just kicking it in the face. I agree with Ben Kuchera that it does play especially well to the literarily deficient, but it’s still an enjoyable romp through a fantastically realized world of means and consequences. Hopefully Steven Spielberg manages to capture that. Ready Player One releases in theatres on March 30, 2018.
The Expanse
The Expanse is one of the best space sci-fi shows out there and will probably go down as one of the best of all time. Granted, that’s partly because the bar for that is particularly low, but it’s mostly because it’s just a damn good show. It builds such a cohesive world flung far into the future while still touching on entirely relevant and frightful topics.
And that’s what sci-fi should be. It takes the inherent terror of being in a world so vastly different yet eerily close to our own before making the turn and saying the real differences—the meaty ones that push lives down avenues of quality and fear—aren’t all that far from our own. Here’s hoping it keeps up with season three. It starts on Syfy sometime in 2018.
Justice League
Admittedly, this is only so high on the list because it’s also so high profile. Instead of amping up intrigue, every trailer that comes out seems to only pour more water on the fire it was so desperately to stoke. It looks like what would have happened if Zack Snyder just never stopped filming Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.
We can hope that Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman taught some important lessons on earning a story rather than just telling one, but the majority of this movie is also done by a man who prizes vapid spectacle over substance. And while the Joss Whedon reshoots can imbue some pizazz into it, their styles are such a stark contrast from one another. This thing is a curiosity more than anything at this point. Justice League releases on November 17, 2017.
Marvel’s Inhumans
What with the IMAX co-financing, it’s easy to see that there’s going to be a lot of money going into this show, which means it’s likely going to be one of the better looking things out there. And combine it with one of the more intriguing elements of Agents of SHIELD and you have something with a lot of promise.
It’s weird, then, that my anticipation for this isn’t percolating at that hard. It looks strangely sanitary when it could be one of the most eclectic and politically charged tales to be told in the MCU. Perhaps that can be blamed on showrunner Scott Buck, once known for tanking Dexter but now known for making the worst thing in the MCU with Iron Fist. Hopefully he learned something between then and now. Inhumans premieres in IMAX on September 1, 2017, before landing on ABC on September 29, 2017.
Bright
I want so desperately to be excited for Bright. It looks right up my and so many other people’s alleys. It’s the sort of low fantasy stuff that made American Gods so entrancing, putting a sword in Will Smith’s hands and having him go to town on some orcs.
But the tone-deaf handling of it seems less purposeful and more a result of throwing together director David Ayer of Suicide Squad and Max Landis of Victor Frankenstein together on a movie. Just the opening bit with Smith smashing a fairy to death is less engaging and more cringe-inducing. It releases on Netflix on December 22, 2017.
Pacific Rim: Uprising
This would be way higher up if it was more of a trailer. As such, it’s more like an in-world marketing video made to promote the movie. At least we get to see some Jaegers in action and hear Ellen McLain do her GLaDOS thing again.
Unfortunately, del Toro is out of the director’s chair, leaving it open for Steven S. DeKnight. That’s not to say he hasn’t done good work, but the success of the first Pacific Rim was obviously in large part due to del Toro’s tremendous vision for giant robots fighting giant monsters. Anyway, Uprising comes out on February 23, 2018.
Westworld
If we don’t see Samurai World in season two of Westworld, I will revolt. I will straight up revolt. But at least this trailer does a good job of emulating how the show works. It throws an overwhelming number of mysteries at the viewer so their only response to go wtf is happening and then kind of haphazardly resolving it all by the end.
Granted, Westworld does a better job at the answers than other J. J. Abrams-produced projects, which probably has more to do with Jonathan Nolan’s involvement than anything. His work generally revolves around the answer to a very potent question anyway. So let’s see if we can get some answers to this puzzling trailer. The second season of Westworld fires up again on HBO sometime in 2018.
Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency
If you never saw Dirk Gently back in 2010, you’re missing out. It’s a super weird, super wild, and super faithful adaptation of Douglas Adams’ novel, and that hyper haywire sensation of that show seems to have made its way to this one. Like, just fucking look at it. It’s bonkers.
That pretty well encapsulates what it’s like to read an Adams novel anyway, so that’s damn fine work in my eyes. Plus you have Elijah Wood further proving that he can do pretty much anything he wants and it’ll probably work out for everyone involved. Horror, comedy, whatever. Season two returns to BBC America this fall.
Black Lightning
Yeah, we see more of other shows than actual Black Lightning, but it’s still nice to see Black Lightning get his time to shine. His turn in the Infinite Crisis storyline was pretty damn good, and not to mention seeing another heroic metahuman that isn’t a speedster in The CW Arrowverse is a refreshing thought.
That costume, though, isn’t all that, uh…great. It just looks fine for the most part, but those lightning bolts are fairly gaudy. It is the first DC property on The CW that wasn’t developed by Greg Berlanti and Andrew Kreisberg, but Mara Brock Akil is an award-winning writer and producer, so it might be worth staying on the optimistic side of things. It premieres sometime in 2018.
The Lego Ninjago Movie
I just, well, I just don’t know. It feels all a bit tired. The gags are categorically familiar and none of the characters are all that endearing, let alone the main one played by Dave Franco. Pretty much zero percent of this is grabbing me, and the Taylor Swift needle drop definitely isn’t helping.
Except for the cat. That cat in the middle is just the tops. It hits theatres on September 22, 2017.
The Flash
Iris should have died last season. I don’t just say that because she’s a stupendously annoying character but because that would have been far more interesting than killing the obvious Red Shirt of the season. And that doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence for this fourth season in terms of courageous storytelling.
But whatever that gives us more of Caitlin Snow (Danielle Panabaker) being a badass, I’m all for. And however long they remove Barry (Grant Gustin) and his ability to further fuck up the timeline, the better. Maybe there is quite a bit to be excited for in this upcoming season. It premieres on The CW on October 10, 2017.
Supergirl
Supergirl continued to be the highlight of The CW’s DC shows in its second season, and that’s because it continued to be the undefeatable light of optimism amidst an otherwise dreary Arrowverse. And this trailer looks a bit like it’s taking a couple of steps back from that light.
Of course, it makes a lot of sense in terms of the story and what happened in the second season, but it’d be a shame for a show that made such a huge impact with being infectiously positive to take a debilitatingly dark turn. But then again, whatever gives us more of Melissa Benoist as Supergirl is going down in my book as a good thing. The third season premieres on The CW on October 9, 2017.
Arrow
Wowie zowie, after a banger of a fifth season, it looks like Arrow really wants to keep up the momentum as it is finally free of recovering from birthing new shows into its universe. It’s kind of disappointing to see Katie Cassidy looks to be a series regular again; she ended up being one of the weakest parts of the show by the time she was pushed out.
But as huge and unavoidable waves of consequences come crashing down on Oliver (Stephen Amell), it looks like new facets of his struggle to be both a regular civilian and Something Else has thankfully emerged. And that is something the show has desperately needed for some time now. The sixth season premieres on The CW on October 12, 2017.
Legends of Tomorrow
On the flip side of both The Flash and Arrow, there’s Legends of Tomorrow, which appears to be doubling down on the idea of fucking things up and fixing them by fucking them up further. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine.
This series never aimed to be a hugely dramatic juggernaut of complex narrative threads. It wanted to be a romp through time periods and odd collisions of anachronisms. To wit, there are dinosaurs in the present and they’re at a circus filled with clowns. Sounds perfectly fine by me. The third season premieres on The CW on October 10, 2017.
The Magicians
Fine, this isn’t a trailer. But The Magicians is a fine show, a fine show that I didn’t see the second season of, so…
The third season starts on Syfy sometime in 2018.
Gotham
Yeah, once again, not much of a trailer. It’s tough when you’re only in production of the new season for just a few weeks. There’s no new footage, necessarily, so you kind of have to do these sorts of sizzle reel types of things.
But this one is a good one of those at least. It really drives home all the things that have thus far made Gotham a worthwhile show. It’s got drama, it’s got camp, and it’s got some super choice character interactions. Basically what I’m saying is that the fourth season should be a good one. It premieres on Fox on September 28, 2017.
Krypton
A teaser of teasers coming in at 20 seconds, nearly half of which are logo and text cards. At least the accompanying panel at Comic-Con was a little more enlightening, but not by much. It tells the story of Superman’s grandfather and how he came to cement the House of El in annals of Krypton’s history.
It premieres on Syfy sometime in 2018.
Voltron: Legendary Defender
Wow, I guess I missed the second season. But maybe that’s not all that surprising since they’re apparently cranking these fuckers out. Both the third and fourth season are supposed to come to Netflix this year with the former on August 4 and the latter in October. That’s super bonkers.
Looks like I’ve got some catching up to do. That first season was seriously crazy good.
Freedom Fighters: The Ray
You know what’s cool? The CW Seed program. Sure, most people might use it to catch up on episodes of current seasons of The Flash and Supernatural, but it also likes to do little experiments, too. Case in point: this thing.
Technically set in the Arrowverse, it tells the story of Ray Terrill in an alternate reality where the Nazis won World War II. For fans of The Multiversity, this may sound familiar, but it’s neat regardless to see that sort of strange, one-off story get its due. Look for it this fall on CW Seed.
The Gifted
Finally, we have a live-action X-Men series. That’s not to say the franchise has been in dire need of it, but Fox has been trying to get this thing off the ground for years and years now. And you know what? It looks pretty dang good.
You can kind of tell that this is mostly a mashup of the pilot because Bryan Singer directed that puppy and he’s got a very particular eye for what X-Men look like. But it’s also cool that it’s getting at some themes that didn’t quite make it in later films. (Also, just so you know, this is technically connected to the films and Legion, but also not really since the films established multiple timelines and whatnot.) It premieres on Fox on October 2, 2017.
12 Monkeys
I have not seen a single second of 12 Monkeys but I know that I should. And based on this trailer, I really, really should.
The fourth and final season premieres on Syfy sometime in 2018.
Star Trek: Discovery
I’d be way more into this if Alex Kurtzman wasn’t helming this thing. When Bryan Fuller was still involved, it sounded like a promising show, what with this past experience on Star Trek properties and having created Pushing Daisies. But Kurtzman forging ahead as Fuller went off to make American Gods a delectably twisted and impressive show is off putting.
To wit, he directed and co-wrote The Mummy, one of the most unapologetically terrible movies of the year. And paying money to stream it on an unproven platform isn’t exactly an inviting proposition. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. It premieres on CBS All Access on September 24, 2017.
Preacher
After being wholly absorbed in the first half of the first season of Preacher, I just sort of fell off. No real reason why; it just kind of happened. But this trailer is definitely sucking me back in.
It’s goofy and dark and full of personality, the last of which is something desperately missing from the majority of television. Hell, personality just might be enough to get a show from nothing to something. The second season picks back up on August 7, 2017, on AMC.
Leatherface
Yeah, sure, why not? I’m always game for some more Texas Chainsaw shenanigans. But this trailer does feel like it gives away so much more than it needs to. Plus, was anyone at all asking for an origin story on Leatherface? Seems like a pretty self-explanatory kind of fella.
It releases on DirecTV on September 21, 2017, before a limited theatrical run and broader VOD release on October 20, 2017.
Jigsaw
I guess I assumed after Saw 3D capped off the slow and painful demise of a franchise about slow and painful demises, we all just sort of agreed that would be that. No more Saw movies! Yay!
Turns out I was super wrong. Let’s hope, though, that I’m doubly wrong and that this is more interesting than it looks because based on this trailer, it looks like 90 additional minutes of the same. Putting the Spierig Brothers of Daybreakers fame at the helm seems promising. It hits theatres on October 27, 2017.
Stargate: Origins
Yeah, this tells us nothing.
The first season will land on Stargate Command this fall.
American Horror Story: Cult
Based on Hotel, I gave up on keeping tabs on the American Horror Story series. Sounds like I missed out, though, because Roanoke is supposedly pretty good. Too bad this trailer tells just jack shit as well. It premieres on September 5, 2017, on FX.
Van Helsing
Should I be watching Van Helsing? “Better than any right it has to be” isn’t much of a ringing endorsement, but it fight and stab its way to a second season, so there’s something there. Right?
The second season premieres on Syfy this fall.
Fear the Walking Dead
This prequel series is supposed to be slightly above mediocre, but so is its big brother The Walking Dead and I couldn’t stand watching that after its first season. So let sleeping walkers lie, I guess.
The third season picks up on September 10, 2017, on AMC.
The Walking Dead
Continue to fuck this show.
The eighth season premieres on AMC on October 22, 2017.
Game of Thrones
This show started out damn good and quickly devolved into a spectacle that consistently fails to respect its audience in any meaningful way. By the end of its run, it will go down as a mostly decent show with tremendous production value. I would love to be wrong, but its fans’ fervor can only prop it up so much.
It’s seventh season is currently airing on HBO.
Doctor Who
To be totally honest, I would love to be into Doctor Who, but there’s just so damn much of it and for some reason, I can only watch it at a snail’s pace. But I do like it, and I’m very excited for Jodie Whittaker to take the title role.
This Peter Capaldi Christmas special airs on BBC America on, well, Christmas, I guess?
Vikings
I have no idea what’s going on. I might have to catch up, though, since it’s apparently only gotten better with each season. The fifth season premieres on the History Channel on November 29, 2017.
The Orville
No.
